The Seven Ugly Truths About Fiction Writing


JD1. The wastepaper basket is not the writer’s best friend. Jack Daniels is.

2. Speaking of drinking, writing is a lot like picking up a girl in a bar: what appeared to be beautiful last night is really hideous in the harsh light of morning.

3. You think you’re clever, funny, smart; we know better.

4. While kids think what you do is cool, your grown-up friends don’t consider it a real profession unless you’re Stephen King or J.K. Rowling.

5. No matter how “cinematic” you envisioned your story, forget about a movie deal unless Julia, Brangelina, Luke or Owen Wilson or Jennifer Aniston falls in love with it.

6. Whatever your idea is, someone else already did it. And much, much better than you.

7. In four months your masterpiece will be on sale by Amazon resellers for $2.99.


6 responses

  1. This is brilliant! I especially appreciate numbers #3 and #4. Best to you~


    July 30, 2010 at 2:35 pm

  2. Dana

    Pretty sure I’ve had more JD in lifetime than you have…and were we drinking the night we met? And I’ve always considered you a writer and cool.


    July 30, 2010 at 3:48 pm

  3. Maureen Owen

    Ha! The broad above you doesn’t know funny satire when it bites her on the butt. Very good, John. Made me laugh between videoconferences today.


    July 31, 2010 at 10:02 pm

  4. Kelly Boan

    I saw this the first time you posted it and it gave me a laugh back then so I’m writing now to say it’s still on-target.


    February 6, 2011 at 1:20 pm

  5. Frank Rossner

    As an author myself I can relate. You’re on the mark Mr. Grabowski. Good luck with the novel.


    February 6, 2011 at 1:21 pm

  6. I heard a writer say many years ago that when they got rejections on manuscripts they immediately did 3 things:

    1. Took a shot of bourbon
    2. Said 3 hail Mary’s
    3. Sent the work out again.


    February 7, 2011 at 10:13 am

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