a novel by JOHN GRABOWSKI

10 celebrities and their high-maintenance demands

David Hasselhoff

David Hasselhoff requires a life-sized cutout of himself in his dressing room if you want to hire him.

Really.

Kanye West wants an all-white room and an eight-thousand dollar bed and personal chef for his daughter North. And don’t forget to iron the carpets.

Katy Perry requires that none of the staff speak with her. I don’t know how they communicate. Maybe text messages.

Nicki Minaj demands friend chicken, and just the wings please.

Diddy, former known by too many names to list here, reportedly asks for 204 towels, 20 bars of soap, Sweet Tarts and lots of booze. What he does with 204 towels I don’t know, but I can’t imagine what David Hasselhoff does with all the cardboard cutouts of himself, either.

Prince wants a doctor on call at all times. (Well, he is getting older.) Madonna reportedly requires no one look her in the eye, and 20 international phone lines. Plus her own furniture must follow her wherever she goes. George Clooney had a beach hut and hot tub installed on the set of his film Gravity. If he needs this kind of pampering, I doubt he’d cut it in outer space.

Britney Spears demands a bucket of KFC before each performance. What is it with stars and fried chicken?!

I had a scene in a very early draft of Entertaining Welsey Shaw where the star demanded, among other things, bendy straws be available to her on location at all times. I cut the scene, for whatever reason, I think because I feared it was a little ridiculous. Turns out this is exactly something Mariah Carey requires before she can perform.

What makes stars act this way? Well, there’s the old story about the bowl of M&Ms sans brown ones for Van Halen, but supposedly the demand wasn’t just one of high maintenance. They did this to ensure the entire contract was read by the venue putting on the show. If they saw brown M&Ms in the bowl, they assumed the very specific requirements about lighting and stage size and strength and so forth also hadn’t been complied with, meaning the show couldn’t go on.

But for most of these others, it just seems like we have some weight-tossing here. And Welsey Shaw doesn’t seem very demanding after all. (She’s just misunderstood.)

What do you think? Is Christina Aguilera worth a personal masseur and a supply of Flintstone’s vitamins? And if you were a famous celebrity, what would be your “crazy demands”? I’d want a 24/7 sushi chef and a supply of Peet’s New Guinea Highlands coffee to follow me everywhere. How about you?

And read more about the crazy demands of celebrities here.

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